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英文笑话

The Secret of Success成功的秘密
"Sir,what is the secret of yoursuccess?"“先生,什么是你成功的秘密?”"Two words"“两个字(词)。”"And,Sir,what are they?"“先生,是哪两个字(词)?”"Right decisions."“正确决定。”"And how do you make right decisions?"“那么你是怎么做出正确决定的?”"One word."“一个字(词)。”"And,what is that?"“那是什么?”"Ex...
only one policeman只有一个警察
One day, a father and his little son were going home. At this age, the boy was interested in all kinds of things and was always asking questions. Now, he asked, "What's the meaning of the word 'Drunk', dad?" "Well, my son," his father replied, "look, there are standing two policemen. If I regard the two policemen as four then I am drunk." "B...
A Vacation Cruise 假日巡航游
One stupid guy reads an ad about a vacation cruise that costs only $ 100.After he signs up and pays, the travel agent hits him with a bat, knocks him unconscious and throws him out the back door into the river. Soon another guy comes in, pays his fee and gets the same treatment.Fifteen minutes later, as the two are floating down the river together, the first man says, "I wonder if they&#...
roast pig 烤乳猪
roast pigA gentleman was invited for dinner. When he hurried there and sat down, he was happy to see a roast pig in front of his seat:"Not bad, I am next to the pig." But then he noticed the angry fat lady sitting next to him. He faked a smile and added: "Oh I am sorry, I meant the roasted one on the table."烤乳猪一位先生去赴宴迟到了,匆忙入座后,发现自己的座位正对着乳...
Miser 吝啬鬼
Matt and his wife lived in the country. Matt was very stingy and hated spending money. One day a fair came to the nearby town."Let’s go to the fair, Matt," his wife said. "We haven’t been anywhere for a long time."Matt thought about this for a while. He knew he would have to spend money at the fair. At last he said, "All right, but I’m not going to spend much...
Keep feeding him nickels五分镍币
Keep feeding him nickelsA mother saw her three-year-old son put nickel in his mouth and swallowed it. She immediately picked hime up, turned him upside down and hit him on the back, whereupon he coughed up two dimes. Frantically, she called to the father outside. "Your son just swallowed a nickel and coughed up two dimes!What shall I do? "Yelled back the father,"Keep feedin...
Dumas仲马
One day a man was taunting Alexandre Dumas,the greatFrench novelist,with his ancestry. “Why,” snarled the fellow,“you are a quadroon;yourfather was a mulatto,and your grandfather was a negro.” “Yes,” roared Dumas,“and,if you wish to know'mygreatgrandfather was a monkey. In fact, my pedigree beganwhere yours terminates.”有一天,一个人在嘲弄法国大小说家亚历山大·仲马...
Back Up Two Miles退后两英里
A farmer and his son, traveling by horse and buggy up a narrow lane, met a motorist going the other way. There was no room to pass for two miles in either direction. The motorist, in hurry, honked his horn .  "If you don't back up," said the farmer, rolling up his sleeves, I won't like what I'm going to have to do." The surprised driver put his car in reverse an...
who want to go to heaven下地狱
The preacher was vexedbecause a certain member of his congregation always fell asleep during the sermon.As the man was snoring in the front row one Sunday, the preacher determined he would teach him not to sleep during the sermon. So, in a whisper, he asked the congregation. "All who want to go to heaven, please rise." Everyone got up except the snorer. After whispering "Be ...
The Choice of Word选词
One day, John was back home after work. He found that his wife was shaking their daughter who was only half a year old. She said "Da-Dy" to the baby many times. John felt very happybecause he thought his wife chose the word "Dady" to teach their baby.During one night several weeks later, John and his wife were waken up by the cry "Dady". His wife said to h...