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英文笑话

Three Men in a Boat三人同舟
Three Men in a BoatThree men were sitting on a park bench. The one in the middle was reading a newspaper; the others were pretending to fish. They baited imaginary hooks, cast lines and reeled in their catch.A passing policeman stopped to watch the spectacle and asked the man in the middle if he knew the other two."Oh yes, " he said. "They are my friends."In that case...
The King's Brother 国王的兄弟
A poor man, presenting himself before the King of Spain,asked his charity, telling him that he was his brother. Theking desiring to know how he claimed kindred to him, the poorfellow replied,“We are all descended from one common fatherand mother—viz., Adam and Eve.” Upon which the kinggave him a little copper piece of money. The poor man beganto bemoan himself, saying,“Is...
老虎来了When a Tiger comes
When a Tiger comes Two guys were walking through the jungle. All of a sudden, a tiger appears from a distance, running towards them. One of the guys takes out a pair of "Nikes" from his bag and starts to put them on. The other guy with a surprised look and exclaims, "Do you think you will run faster than the tiger with those?" His friend replies: "I don't hav...
Mushroom and Toadstool 蘑菇与毒蕈
Younger Scout: How can I tell the difference between a mushroom and a toadstool(毒菌) ?Older Scout: Just eat one before you go to bed. If you wake up the next morning, it was a mushroom.年少的童子军:我怎样才能把蘑菇和毒蕈区别开呢?年长的童子军:上床前吃一个。如果你第二天早上醒来,那就是蘑菇。
which one would you carry out?救哪个
A newspaper organized a contest for the best answer to the question: "If a fire broke out in the Louvre, and if you could only save one painting, which one would you carry out?"The winning reply was: "The one nearest the exit."一份报纸组织了一场竞赛,为下面的问题征集最佳答案:“如果卢浮宫起了火,而你只能救出一幅画,你将救出哪一幅?”获奖的答案是:“最接近门口的那一幅。
A Thank-you Note一封感谢信
Once I received a thank-you note from a friend whom I had helped. In the envelope were five lottery tickets that had been scratched, revealing the numbers. "Thank you very much for your help," the note read. "As a gift, I bought you some lottery tickets- sorry you didn't win. "有一次,我收到一封感谢信,是一个我曾帮助过的朋友寄来的。信封内有五张彩票,都被刮过了,露出了...
绝妙的技巧 excellent skills
After friends of mine landed at busy Newwark Airport, they were unable to attract the attention of any porters to help with their luggage. In desperation, the husband took out a five-dollar bill and waved it above the crowd.In an instant, a skycap was at his side. "Sir," observed the porter, " you certainly have excellent communication skills.我的朋友们在繁忙的纽瓦克机场着陆后...
My poor man可怜的人
"Oh, my poor man," exclaimed the kind old lady, "It must be dreadful to be lame. But it would be much worse if you were blind.""You're absolutely right," said the beggar, obviously an old hand at the game." When I was blind, people kept giving me foreign coins.""啊,可怜的人,"善良的老妇人惊叹道。"脚瘸就够惨的了,要是眼瞎就更糟了。&...
终生保修It has alifetime warranty
After burying his mother nine months earlier, a client of the local mortuary finally had enough money to purchase the expensive coffin he'd originally wanted. So we exhumed the body and transferred his deceased mother into the new steel casket. "What's so special about this coffin?" I asked the funeral director. He replied, "It has a lifetime warranty."在将母亲下葬...
Wrong to offer the wrong献错殷勤
At a dinner party a shy young man had been trying to think of something nice to say to his hostess. At last he saw his chance when she turned to him and remarked, "What a small appetite you have tonight, Mr. Jones.""To sit next to you," he replied gallantly, "would cause any man to lose his appetite."在一次晚餐聚会上,一位腼腆的年青人一直在冥思苦想对女主人说一些...