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英文笑话

They're all drowned他们全都淹死了
The great painter was asked, one day to paint a picture of Pharaoh crossing the Red Sea. A little while after the picture had been commenced, a hitch(故障) arose over the fee, and Hogarth found that he would have to complete the commission for about half the sum he expected. When the work was completed, the patron(赞助人,主顾) was asked to come and inspect it. As a matter of fact, the...
The ability of the Kangaroo袋鼠的能力
The ability of the KangarooThe zoo built a special eight-foot-high enclosure for its newly acquired kangaroo, but the next morning the animal was found hopping around outside. The height of the fence was increased to 15 feet, but the kangaroo got out again. Exasperated, the zoo director had the height increased to 30 feet, but the kangaroo still escaped. A giraffe asked the kangaroo, "H...
Only One Instance
Mr. Henry Beecher entered Plymouth Church one Sunday and found several letters awaiting him. He opened one and found it contained the single word ″Fool″. Quietly and withbecoming seriousness he announced to the congregation the fact in these words:″I have known many an instance(实例) of a man writing a letter and forgetting to sign his name, but this is the only instance I have eve...
谁的儿子最伟大Oh, my God
The mothers of four priests got together and were discussing their sons. "My son is a monsignor," said the first proud woman. "When he enters a room, people say, 'Hello, Monsignor'."The second mother went on, "My son is a bishop. When he enters a room, people say, 'Hello, Your Excellency'.""My son is a cardinal." continued the nex...
Three pastors 三个牧师
Three pastors in the south were having lunch in a diner. One said, You know, since summer started I’ve been having trouble with bats in my loft(阁楼) and attic at church. I’ve tried everything----noise, spray, cats----nothing seems to scare them away.Another said, Yes, me too. I’ve got hundreds living in my belfry(钟楼) and in the attic. I’ve been had the place fumigated(熏制) ,...
An Absent Minded Professor心不在焉的老师
An Absent Minded ProfessorA notoriously absentminded professor was one day observed walking along the street with one foot continually in the gutter,the other on the pavement. A pupil meeting him said: “Good evening,professor.How are you? “Well,” answered the professor,“I thought I was all right when I left home,but now I don't know what's the matter with me.I&#...
faced with the same problem
The Astronaut Pen During the heat of the space race in the 1960s, the U.S. National Aeronautics and Space Administration decided it needed a ball point pen to write in the zero gravity confines of its space capsules. After considerable research and development, the Astronaut Pen was developed at a cost of approximately $1 million U.S. The pen worked and also enjoyed some modest suc...
One Side of the Case 一面之辞
A judge asked our group of potential jurors whether anyone should be excused, and one man raised his hand."I can't hear out of my left ear," the man told the judge."Can you hear out of your right ear?" the judge asked. The man nodded his head.   "You'll be allowed to serve on the jury," the judge declared. "We only listen to one side of the case a...
Workman and Employer雇主和雇员
Workman:“Mr.Brown,I should like to ask for a smallrise in my wages. I have just been married.”Employer:“Very sorry,my dear man, but I can't helpyou. For accidents which happen to our workmen outside thefactory we are not responsible.”工人:“布朗先生,我想请您给我加一点工资。我刚刚结了婚。” 雇主:“非常抱歉,老兄,但是我无能为力。对工人在厂外发生的事故我们概不负责。”
a skunk in the basement 地下室有臭鼬
"We have a skunk in the basement," shrieked the caller to the police dispatcher. "How can we get it out?""Take some bread crumbs," said the dispatcher, "and put down a trail from the basement out to the back yard. Then leave the cellar door open."Sometime later the resident called back. "Did you get rid of it?" asked the dispatcher."No,...