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英文笑话

I hope your bread gets better
I was making rolls and, needing a warm place for the dough to rise, put the bowl in a heating pad. Then I left the house on an errand(使命,差事) . When I came back, I found this note from my son: "Dear Mom, I hope your bread gets better."我在做面包,需要把面团放在一个暖和点的地方使它发起来。我把面盆放在电热褥里,后来就出去干别的活去了。等我回家时,发现儿子留下一张纸条,上面写...
A Present 礼物
Kate: Mom, do you know what I'm going to give you for your birthday?Mom: No, Honey, what?Kate: A nice teapot.Mom: But I've got a nice teapot.Kate: No, you haven't. I've just dropped it.凯特:妈妈,你知道我要给你一件什么生日礼物吗?妈妈:不知道,宝贝,是什么呀?凯特:一把漂亮的茶壶。妈妈:可是我已经有一把漂亮的茶壶了呀。凯特:不,你没有了。我刚刚把它给摔了。
Two Birds 两只鸟
Teacher: Here are two birds, one is a swallow, the other is sparrow. Now who can tell us which is which?Student: I cannot point out but I know the answer.Teacher: Please tell us.Student: The swallow is beside the sparrow and the sparrow is beside the swallow.老师: 这儿有两只鸟,一只是麻雀。谁能指出哪只是燕子,哪只是麻雀吗?学生:我指不出,但我知道答案。老师:请说说看。学生:燕子旁边的就...
But the teacher cried 可是老师哭了
The six-year-old John was terribly spoiled(被宠坏的) . His father knew it, but his grandma doted on him. He hardly left her side. And when he wanted anything, he either cried or threw a temper tantrum(乱发脾气) . Then came his first day of school, his first day away from his grandmother's loving arms.When he came home from school his grandma met him at the door.Was school all right...
Reason of Punishment 惩罚的原因
One day a little girl came home from school, and said to her mother, Mommy, today in school I was punished for something that I didn't do.The mother exclaimed, But that's terrible! I'm going to have a talk with your teacher about this! By the way, what was it that you didn't do?The little girl replied, My homework.一天,小女孩从学校回到家里,对妈妈说:妈妈,今天在学校里我...
Boy, Oh Boy 让人无奈的孩子
When they're together, my five-year-old son and his cousin tend to cause mayhem. one Saturday, I put my foot down. "All right, you two," I said sternly. "No screaming , grabbing, whining, hitting, teasing, tattling, breaking toys, scratching or fighting."  As I turned to leave, I heard my son say, "C'mon, Steven, let's get dirty . "我五岁的儿子...
I'm Glad 我很高兴
A Sunday school teacher was telling her pupils the importance of making others glad. Now, children, said she, has anyone of you ever made someone else glad?Please, teacher, said a small boy, I've made someone glad yesterday.Well done. Who was that?My granny.Good boy. Now tell us how you made your grand mother glad.Please, teacher, I went to see her yesterday, and stayed with her th...
Birthday 生日
Professor: When is your birthday?Kid: May 30.Professor: Which year?Kid: Every year.教授:你的生日是什么时候?孩子:5月30日。教授:哪一年?孩子:每年都是。
Does He Bite 它咬人吗
Reggie: We have got a new dog. Would you like to come around and play with him?Ron: Well, I don't know---does he bite?Reggie: That's what I want to find out.里基:我们又得到了一条新狗,你愿意过来和他玩一会吗?罗恩:嗯,我不知道----它咬人吗?里基:这正是我想要查明的。
一分一块钱 A dollar per point
A professor was giving a big test one day to his students. He handed out all of the tests and went back to his desk to wait.Once the test was over the students all handed the tests back in. The professor noticed that one of the students had attached a $100 bill to his test with a note saying "A dollar per point."The next class the professor handed the tests back out. This student ...